My "short" Testimony

 

Earlier this year my world seemed to fall apart when I was prompted, what I believe to be the Holy Spirit, to bring to the surface years of habitual sins. What I have since realized is that my world did not fall apart, instead it was a defining moment, a catalyst for growth and change.

When my heart broke, it finally allowed the light and the love of Jesus Christ to come into my heart. You see, the thing about light is it drives out darkness and illuminates that which I tried to hide deep inside.

I ran to Jesus and fell at His feet, begging for help and He responded. He changed me from being a self-centered, selfish person with a heart of stone, to one that is aware of my shortcomings, caring and tender hearted and one who tries every day to put other peoples needs before my own. I am not where I should be but thank Jesus I am not where I used to be.

WHO IS JESUS?

Jesus is the only begotten Son of God Almighty, who was there before the creation of the world and through Him, everything was created. Jesus is God made flesh, when He was born of a virgin Mary, lived a sinless life in service of God our Father and to fulfill His purpose. Jesus is the perfect human, perfect man, the model of the design intent of God.

John 14:6 [NASB2020]

'Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me."

John 1:1-5 [NASB2020]

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him not even one thing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of mankind. And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not grasp it."

WHY JESUS?

Ever since the fall of man, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, man was cursed and handed over to their own decisions, sin and satan. The price for sin for nearly 4000 years before Jesus’s birth, were blood sacrifice (which started when God made clothing from animal skin when Adam and Eve realized they were naked after they ate from the tree of knowledge). Jesus came to be the final, perfect atoning sacrifice, so that no more blood had to be shed for the forgiveness of our sins, so that we could be reconciled with God. 

1 John 5:20 [NASB2020]

"And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life."

CAN I BE FREE TOO?

YES!

Freedom comes from knowing the TRUTH and to continue in His word. The Truth is Jesus Christ...and even though He chose us first, we have to choose Him and follow His commandments to be truly FREE! This freedom may be different to what you're expecting. If you want to be able to do what you want, when and how you want, then you have a worldly idea of freedom which is in fact not freedom at all, but bondage and a lie by satan himself from the pit of hell. Freedom here speaks of being free from condemnation, guilt, worry, fear, addiction and sin. Freedom is also not to be free from trials, temptation, pain and suffering, but to have peace and joy regardless of your situation or circumstance and knowing that you have the authority to capture every thought that comes to your mind, the power to resist all temptation and the ability to choose. Choose well my dear friend!

John 8:31-32 [NASB2020]

"So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly My disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” "

PRAYER

Jesus, the name above all other names, we call lift You up in our praises and worship You today. Thank you for choosing us and dying for us even though we are sinners. Please give us the ability to know the Truth, accept our salvation and the FREEDOM that comes with it. Thank you that we know that we can be victorious because You have already overcome the world. May we follow and obey Your every word and instruction. Lord Jesus, be with us today and until You come again. In Your mighty name we pray,. Amen!

Rooted in Christ

Like most people, I want to live a life free from pain and suffering, just an easygoing, cruzy life with nice little waves, nothing too big and I certainly don't want to be knocked over by one. Yet, life does does not work like that, not in the least.

TRIALS

If you've been alive for anything more than 10 years, you would know that situations and life in general, can get tough and that it's not as easygoing as one would hope. 

BUT WHY?

When faced with challenges, you only have two options: 1. Face the challenge and do your best to get out the other side, or 2. Don't try, quit, give up!

So challenges/trials, tests and builds ones character!

I have realized this before, but the challenges, that seemed tough at the time, weren't really that tough after all and the moment I hit a whopper, I too feel the urge to run and hide. So does people who loses a family member to death, a person losing their job, divorce or diagnosed with a serious illness. This happens thousands of times a day throughout the world and everyone will experience some of the latter at least once in their lives.

James 1:12 [AMP]

Blessed [happy, spiritually prosperous, favored by God] is the man who is steadfast under trial and perseveres when tempted; for when he has passed the test and have been approved, he will receive the [victor's] crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."

HOW DO WE MANAGE THEN?

(Consider the following analogy)

Imagine a tree planted in a field of good soil. When there is less rain over time and its environment changes, the tree's roots will inevitably need to grow deeper to reach water, or else it would die. Now continue the cycle of less and less water over time, forcing the tree's roots to grow deeper. On a day a tremendous and violent storm blows yet, the tree only sheds its dead leaves and branches as it remains firmly planted and unmoved.

Now think of yourself as the tree, planted in Jesus Christ and the lack of rain and changing environment as life's trials with the storm a significant life event. Now consider the truth: if the tree was not planted in good soil and was not forced to grow deep roots, would the tree be left standing after the storm?

You see, our Lord Jesus Christ is not only the soil, but He is also the Weatherman and He know's what is coming, as He has already seen your future. Some things have been set in stone and will happen regardless of what you may or may not do, other things or I should rather say, for most things, you have free will and it's YOUR choices and mindset/attitude that influence the outcome. You may influence, but not always determine the outcome - remember that.

Colossians 2:6-7 [AMP]

"6.Therefore as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in [union with] Him [reflecting His character in the things you do and say - living lives that lead others away from sin], 7.having been deeply rooted [in Him] and now being continually built up in Him and [becoming increasingly more] established in your faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing in it with gratitude."

This process of growth is called FAITH

Hebrews 11:1 [AMP]

"Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality-faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].

 PRAYER

How great are You Lord God, the ultimate Weatherman, preparing us for the challenges of life, making sure that we are deeply rooted and capable to withstand the storm, whatever they may be. Thank you Abba Father. Father, so many times we do not see the end, we do not see the benefit of the trials and more often, our faith buckles when under pressure, hear us when we say: "Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief." Please give us the strength to grow deep roots and to be firmly planted in Jesus Christ and Your infallible Word. Thank you for being our faithful Father until the end of days. We praise and worship You and ask these things in Your Name, Yeshua Hamashiach. Amen

Your Decisions Matter

REMINDER 

Today I want to remind you of something:

Your decisions matter and sin has consequence!

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 [AMP]

"19.I call heaven and earth as witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore, you shall choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, 20.by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding closely to Him; for He is your life [your good life, your abundant life, your fulfillment] and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord promised (swore) to give to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

During last week I had struggled with a concept of God's will and our own free will. What I have learnt is that God is in control and man are free to make their own choices with certain things in our lives appointed by God, which will not change. God is never early and he will not be 1 second late!

I can also tell you that I came upon a profound statement which resonated so much with me, and it said:

"It is easy to live like Jesus, the challenge is to react like Jesus did"

CHOICES

Whether we like it or not, we need to make many choices each and every day and those choices will have consequences - positive/negative, good/bad.

I do not know the exact plan God has for my own personal life, but I do know that if I choose to seek God first, read and heed His infallible Word, I have a lot better chance of making good decisions that align with God's plan and purpose for my life.

Matthew 6:33 [AMP]

"But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right-the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also."

You have a choice over what you think, or what to do with the thoughts inside your head, as not all of the thoughts you have are your own. The devil is sly and will sabotage you by placing "seedlings" in your mind that will destroy if you choose to give it "water". Do not be deceived, choose Jesus, choose the cross, choose to be victorious!

Philippians 4:8 [AMP]

"Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God's word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart]."

PRAYER

Our Lord of Hosts, the King of kings, the Lion of Judah, the Lamb of God, thank you for choosing us, thank you for choosing to die for our sins so that we may be reconciled with our Father in heaven. Today we choose You, we choose to submit to You and to abide in You dear Jesus, we choose to receive the free gift of salvation by the shedding of Your precious Blood on the cross, we choose to forgive people who have wronged us, we choose to give more of ourselves, we choose to be the light in the darkness, we choose to be lead by the Holy Spirit, we choose to love You first, then our neighbor as ourselves and we choose Your perfect plan and purpose for our lives. In the name of Yeshua Hamashiach we pray. Amen

"Whatever may come, I will fall on my knees..."

Gratitude

BEING GRATEFUL

"Live a life worth living for" and do so by being grateful for every "Hilltop" and every "Valley". 

1 Timothy 4:4-5 [AMP]

"For everything God has created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified [set apart, dedicated to God] by means of the word of God and prayer."

Our lives are filled with many experiences and circumstances and the way we see these are so important, life changing I could argue. Moving from Western Australia to New South Wales (East Coast of Australia) someone asked me how I found the place, work etc. and my response was one of God-inspired wisdom. I said: "What I have learned by moving here, is that the grass is not greener on the other side, but where you water it." I'm sure it's a quote used from somewhere...but yet so very true. Looking back to our time in WA, it was such a blessing to live and work there, but did not seem so wonderful at the time.

In every circumstance, there will be something to be grateful for, even if it's just the fact that the circumstance is exposing a weakness, or strength in your character. 

I can tell you this out of my own experience and hardheadedness: God will continue to allow certain trials in your life, until you learn the lesson and complete the change required in your character! There is no circumstance or experience that does not have these two "attributes" available. So the key in gratitude is understanding this and the moment you get "it", the door to contentment opens. Contentment here should not be confused for lack of vision or desire to improve your circumstance/s, but to be comfortable, to experience inner peace and joy no matter the circumstance you find yourself in.

James 1: 2-4 [AMP]

"2.Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials. 3.Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. 4.And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing."

"GREEN GRASS"

There has been a lot of ups and downs since I confessed to my wife about my unfaithfulness, yet I have so much to be grateful for and have changed in character:

• I am learning to trust God fully,
• I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit more frequently,
• I feel gratitude towards God when faced with trials and challenges,
• I am grateful for the, nearly 3 hour commute, to and from work (this is time I spent in the presence of God, praising, worshiping and reflecting) 
• I am grateful for time with my wife and our children,
• I am grateful to be a steward of God's resources,
• I am grateful for friends and the "Body of Christ",
• I am grateful for this platform to share, albeit a fraction, of the goodness and glory of God through Jesus Christ and my own experiences (and my many flaws),
• I am grateful for the man I am becoming,
• I am grateful that I was a "Prodigal son" and that God welcomed me back with open arms!

CHANGE YOUR VIEW, CHANGE YOUR FUTURE

Romans 12:2 [AMP]

"And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].

When you change the way you see your circumstances by "renewing your mind" you will learn to know what the will of God is for your life and when you do this, you will prosper as said in:

Jeremiah 29:11 [AMP]

"For I know the plans and thoughts I have for you; says the Lord, 'plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Marius Döhne has given me this advice: 

"Write down all the deepest expectations of your heart, because it's very clear that God want to prosper you and give you all the things you hope for (and need), now and in the future. For you to receive all those things, you need to guard your heart, control your emotions and avoid any negative feelings and thoughts. You need to be JOYFUL all day, PRAY as much as you remember and GIVE THANKS to the Lord (all day long!) for everything He has done and more so for the things He is going to do for you.

You are purposefully made to worship God, spread the Gospel, give your Testimony, to prosper here on earth (will look different to everyone else), to love/bless/help your neighbor and to, more than just overcome struggles, but to exceedingly prosper even more so after."

To be grateful for every circumstance and to give thanks to God is how you "renew your mind" and ultimately change your future.

1 Corinthians 8:3 [AMP]

But if anyone loves God [with awe-filled reverence, obedience and gratitude], he is known by Him [as His very own and greatly loved].

PRAYER

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Let Your Kingdom come. Let Your perfect will for us be done, on earth, as it has been predestined in heaven. We are not a mistake, we are wonderfully and fearfully made in Your image and likeness. You have given us all authority to rule over the earth. We thank You for every experience and circumstance that You've allowed and we're sorry for the ones that we brought on ourselves by not being in the very center of Your will for our lives. Forgive us our sins, transgressions and iniquities, as we forgive those who sin against us. Please Lord, give us the things we need and the desires of our heart, where it will be for Your glory. We submit to You o Lord, we ask for strength to resist the devil so that he will flee from us. Let us not face any temptation of the world without The Holy Spirit guiding us, deliver us from evil. For Yours is the Kingdom, the Glory and the Power. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen

What Miracles???

WHERE IS THE MIRACLES GOD?

I'll be the first one to admit that I have asked God why He isn't doing the same miracles today, as He did in the Bible...I mean, part the red sea again or literally move a mountain or raise people from the dead like Lazarus and the list can go on and on. We live in a time where miracles are needed more than ever. The Israelites needed a constant reminder who God was and what He was capable of and God did it. So where are they now, these miracles? 

JUST LIKE THE ISRAELITES OF OLD!

I've been praying to God, asking Him to show me what I should write about next and I received "miracles". The moment I heard it, I was like what miracles, before I was reminded of some of my own not so long ago which I would like to share with you. Before I do that though, I want to remind you that miracles happen every day and you can do yourself a favor and Google: "Recent miracles in the news" and you will find 22,500,000 results. The fact is that we have accepted so many extraordinary things as part of our every day, that we don't even see the miracles anymore. We are, in effect, even worse than the Israelites when we think about it...you know I'm right.

MOVING TO AUSTRALIA ~ MIRACLE 1

Sitting at work one day, browsing through Facebook (as you do, haha) I stumbled onto a mailbox I didn't even know existed, simply called other at that stage and had a sneaky beak (had a look inside) and found an email from a recruiter in Australia about some positions that were available, asking if I was interested. This was particularly strange, because I was indeed very unhappy at work and actively looking for other opportunities, but had no response from any of the jobs I applied for. The closing date was also like a week or two away, not leaving me heaps of time.

I spoke to the wife and applied for the position, not thinking I would even get an interview. It was in my exact field of work, but I did not meet all the requirements and one in particular about years of experience. A long time passed before I got feedback that they wanted me to come for an interview in Sandton. Two of the hiring managers were going to fly from Australia to Johannesburg to come and conduct the interviews in person. I was so ecstatic, but super nervous about the whole thing, because it would be truly life changing.

The day of the interview came and I was nervous, but felt that if it was going to happen, it would. Stepping into the foyer of the hotel, I saw some familiar faces in my industry, some with many years of experience, even some very clever people I went to university with. I started sweating a bit at this point. The interview was more of a general chat with very little technical questions. When I was finished, I had no idea how it went, because there was no real right or wrong answers to their questions and no way for me to gauge my response, nor theirs really. "Ahh well, you need to be in it to win it." I told myself and that was that...for now.

Two months passed without so much as a whisper. I then got a follow up interview request via telephone. This interview did not go well, as I just struggled with the technical stuff. I did however give the wrong answers with a lot of confidence, thinking about it. Naturally afterwards, thinking about my responses, I felt that I had little chance, but that anything was still possible. 

A month or so went past when I received an email requesting me to go for a medical, whoohoo right? Wrong. You see, while at university, I had a period where I took antidepressants and this one form was asking about mental health and seeing that I was not going to lie, I put all the information on the form. I had to complete more forms relating to this period of my life and again I wondered about my chances.

SPANNER IN THE WORKS ~ MIRACLE 2

While waiting to hear more from the Australian company, my wife fell pregnant with our fist child. This was great news, because we had tried for a bit over a year to conceive without success. I went for sperm tests and we changed our diets and tracked her menstrual cycles and it finally happened for us. I did however need to let the Australian company know that my wife was now pregnant and that it would obviously change things. They were happy for us and left it at that.

At 6 weeks, while visiting my home town, my wife woke up on the Sunday morning bleeding. We got in the car and drove to the emergency room. The doctor advised that it was a threatening miscarriage and that she had to go to be admitted to hospital. She had a blood test on arrival, which indicated a low HCG count. The obstetrician immediately put her on Progresterone and advised that there was certain hormone numbers that, in theory, had to double roughly every 24-48 hours. After 3 days in hospital and a blood test each day, the doctor had enough information to give advice. I remember how we prayed that God himself would intervene and begged Him for a miracle. My wife was discharged and we were sitting in the doctor's office when he explained the theory around the hormone numbers. He proceeded to tell us that we had in essence lost the child and that we should discuss ways of getting the child out. The good news apparently was that at least my wife could get pregnant.

As we sat there, very sad, shocked and disappointed, I felt this intense internal pressure (Holy Spirit) to ask for a final sonar, as there was no heartbeat present when my wife was admitted to hospital. Lo and behold, there it was, little peanut had a heartbeat. The obstetrician couldn't hide his own disbelief and said: "Here is proof that miracles do happen." and I fully agree.

GOD'S PROMISE ~ MIRACLE 1

Back to miracle 1: I remember feeling quite positive for the new job prospect in Australia, even after everything that happened and my likelihood to succeed, but asked God for a sign that we were meant to go. Moving counties is a big thing and especially for us, as we had never been to Australia, nor did we have the means to go and check it out first.

There was a men's Christian camp in the town we lived, one I went to with friends the year before and I decided that I would go again. When I got there the Friday evening, I first inquired about the ticket price, which included accommodation and food, as I was not going to make use of these merely because my home was that close and the fact that I was alone. Some guy heard me, tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a ticket, not my intention, but how good was that.

I get to the welcome table and there sits a guy, administering the welcoming of each camper with a heap of Bible verses in front of him. He grabs one, asks my name to write it on it, put it in a plastic sheaf, give me a welcome pack and show me where to go to the marque tent where the sermons would take place. I get down there and have a look at my name tag and find this verse:

Hebrews 11:8 [AMP]

" By faith Abraham, when he was called [by God], obeyed by going to a place which he was to receive as an inheritance; and he went, not knowing where he was going."  

I took a photo, sent it to my wife and said that God has answered my prayer and if I were to receive a contract from Australia, I was going to accept it and we would then move there to which she agreed. Two weeks later, I received a contract, I browsed through it and accepted it. The company covered all the cost for the move, which we would not have been able to do by ourselves.

MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERY DAY

I would suggest writing down some of your own miracles. I'm sure that at some point, something really strange or amazing have happened to you which you could not explain, hold on to those, just a reminder that miracles happen and that you can confidently hope in miracles for your future. 

1 Chronicles 16:12 [AMP]

"Remember [with gratitude] His marvelous deeds which He has done, His miracles and the judgments from His mouth."

1 Corinthians 1:9 [AMP]

"God is faithful [He is reliable, trustworthy and ever true to His promise - He can be depended on], and through Him you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."

PRAYER

Father, you are the most high Jehovah God and I thank you today for being our Rock, being just, faithful and true to Your word. Father, I thank you that You pour out Your blessings over my life in such abundance and so frequently, to the point that it has almost become part of every day life. I ask for forgiveness of not giving You all the credit for every good thing and resource in my life and being blind to all the blessing I receive to which I'm so undeserving. Thank you Father for being the God of Romans 5:5 "Such hope [in Your promises] never disappoints us, because [Your] love has been abundantly poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." You are exalted and praised Elohim and I pray that Your Name will be exalted and that Your Glory may come. I pray this in the Name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.   

Stolen Joy

For anyone reading this, I need to be very clear on something: everything I talk about in this blog, I unfortunately have learnt through personal experience. This of course mean I make frequent mistakes and act like an idiot before being convicted by the Holy Spirit, pointing out the now, very obvious, hindsight, 20-20 vision of my flaws. The best thing is that I do get convicted and then take the opportunity to reflect, leading to the hardest bit, correcting the mistake or behavior and asking for forgiveness from people and God.

So then, thank you for taking the time to read about yet another flaw of mine...

THE FALSEHOOD OF JOY

I, like most, will tell you that I like nice things. I like to spoil myself as well as others, to the point where I have to be concerned about making it to payday (this is of course not very clever nor sustainable and should be avoided and I have started to change this behavior-thank God). I don't believe there is anything wrong with buying something nice for yourself or someone else, but the motive should be pure and God's resources should be effectively administered and used well. I feel a sense of joy when buying things, but it never lasts, never ever. What I have found is I seek the endorphins that's released to give me that feeling of joy. What is quite clear is that this is not by any means real joy, it is merely a feeling that masquerades as joy.

HONEY...I BOUGHT A MOTORCYCLE

I grew up on and around motorcycles, I washed them for pocket money, I built them with dad for him and also for me, rode them, enjoyed them and lost my best friend at the time to death on one of mine. Motorcycles are in my blood and for the last 8 years or so, I didn't have one. I made the decision to hang up the leather jacket when my wife fell pregnant with our first child to avoid unnecessary risk. Over the years I've lost my love for them and would consider myself fond of the idea of having one. This was enough of course to make me wander into a dealership and look at what was on offer in the year 2020. Sure enough, something I liked a lot. Now all that was standing between me and the bike was my conscious and being scared after not riding for years. I very soon overcame both of these hurdles and was in the dealership, signing some pre-agreement papers. The finance approval took some time due to Covid-19 and I basically prepared myself for a "sorry sir, you're not approved" for some reason then I got the call to let me know that the finance company had settled the purchase amount and I could come and get the bike. I was strangely enough not real happy, as I have since learned that what I'm after is joy and not mere happiness or pleasure.

Romans 14:17 [AMP]

"for the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking [what one likes], but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."

TIME FOR DELIVERY

I asked the wife to drop me off at the dealership to pick the bike up. When it came to the riding gear I said I wanted with the bike purchase, things turned a bit sour. I signed for an amount and not individual items so when I asked the "parts guy" to price up the gear I wanted, it was less than the allotted price I initially signed for. I took a bit more items to make up the total value and when asked what I owed them, the amount was a lot different to what I had in my head. Turns out, they added the individual items after I signed the papers at a specific price and then I had to pay for all the gear not part of the bike purchase. This really upset me as I felt I was cheated and stood my ground until I was basically asked to take my stuff and leave. I'm sure that I could have handled the situation better and certainly my own behavior.

Proverbs 12:20 [AMP]

"Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, But counselors of peace have joy."

STOLEN JOY

For some time after this happened, I felt angry and disappointed in myself for "rolling over" so easily and mad at them for, what I felt like, was cheating. This completely overshadowed the whole experience and one what was meant to be joyous. Every so often I will find myself thinking about it and get upset, capture my thoughts and then re-direct them. Some days later, after this happened a number of times, I realized that those people were not losing a single second of their sleep for what happened and especially had no idea how I felt. I allowed the situation and my own thoughts to rule over me and ultimately steal my joy!

Proverbs 17:22 [AMP]

"A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, But a broken spirit dries up the bones."

PRAYER

Dear Lord, our Father who is in heaven, we stand in awe of your goodness and kindness. Thank you Father for all the blessings we so freely receive from Your mighty hand. Father, so many times we rely on the world to fill our cups with joy, yet what the world offers is not joy, but only moments of short lived happiness and pleasure. Will You show us what true joy is and fill us with Your Spirit to be the lamp on our feet, to guide and direct us on the path You have for us. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen!

Romans 15:13 [AMP]

"May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you will abound in hope and overflow with confidence in His promises." 

Doubt!

THE PAINFUL TRUTH

It is written that in this world we, as followers and lovers of Christ Jesus, will experience adversity, pain, suffering, grief, temptation, and probably more so than people who reject the Truth. I wish this was not true, but I assure you it is. Simple reason for this, in my opinion, is that someone who follows Jesus and tries to do what the Word demands, basically becomes a target for the enemy, the dark forces of the spiritual world. You are then the opposition to the evil one and all his cronies, will do what they can to rip you and your loved-ones to shreds.

EXAMPLE...UNFORTUNATELY ANOTHER ONE

The week preceding my newly "separated" wife's birthday, I had a really good week (for the most part) where I spent a fair bit of time in God's presence; reading, listening, watching, praying and sharing the good news. Come two days before her birthday and on the way to work, I hear a sermon from Dr. Michael Youssef on the seventh commandment: "You shall not commit adultery." convicted by my past sin, followed by a sermon from Derek Prince about God's blessings and curses as written in Deuteronomy 28. During the reading of  the curses, I experience an  intense feeling inside me, like I'm carrying a very heavy burden and I feel doubt and anger overcome me and I sneer at what I just listened to. Moments later after thinking about my situation and my past, I address God in prayer, with little reverence I'm sad to admit, questioning if He was actually good and if I ever had a chance at succeeding, I mean, how can one keep the Law in its entirety to escape the curses and receive His abundant blessings?!? That day, completely overcome with doubt, fear and anger, I found myself many times questioning God and even the presence of the Holy Spirit. I felt that I was set up for failure, abandoned by the one who is talked about: "He will not fail you or abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:6 [AMP]

I would read scripture to try and drown out this voice, this heavy presence inside me, but would laugh at the passage, followed by more questions. I continued to struggle that day, a lot, but I reminded myself of the Psalm of David 30:5b [AMP]

"Weeping may endure for a night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning."

"Try your best buddy, but go and rest, you will feel better in the morning." I didn't. In actual fact, I woke up angry with God and dismissed the rebuke and conviction I was feeling inside. I rebelled against God for that whole day and reached a very low and and dark place too...I actually prayed that I wanted to die and that God had to kill me. If I could not trust Him, the seemingly only One I had left, what is the point of even trying! I wept profusely as I was driving home, then I would grit my teeth and tell myself that I should shut-up, that I'm weak, useless, rejected and hated by everyone. I would cry out to God and then reject my own desperate cry for help. I made it home, packed an overnight bag and headed to my old home to spend time with the kids while the wife went out for the night after getting her hair done. Me and the kidlets prepared her birthday gifts, wrote her a couple of birthday cards, baked 24 delicious cupcakes, ready for the morning. We go to bed and around 12 pm I woke up with the wife coming home after her night out.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Early morning and the wife leaves to go and exercise and I woke up in that process. I feel mad at her for not letting me know that she was going out for a drink after her hair appointment. She comes back after her workout and I just lay in my room, browsing on my phone, waiting for the kids to wake up so that we can take her presents. She shows up, all happy and excited and I'm just like...here is your stuff, happy bday. FAIL!!! I make her breakfast in bed and then get myself ready and self-isolate myself in the theater room for much of the morning. I didn't want to be there, so I make arrangements to go and visit a friend, just to find out that I can't go, because the wife is going out again for cocktails. 

By now, the anger and resentment I feel towards my wife on top of the doubt and disappointment I feel towards God, is unraveling me and I'm ready to reject my faith all together! I could feel a battle going on inside me, one of intense ferocity. I find myself wanting to praise God, then I would reject the thought, on and on it went.

THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE

I woke up the next day, feeling frustrated as anything, but on went the TV to watch Dr. Michael Youssef and then Dr. David Jeremiah, it was Sunday after all and I do "Church" on Sunday mornings. Today I don't reject what I'm hearing, but I am numb to the teaching, I just feel nothing! The two sermons are finished and I plan to wash my car, take the kids for an outing and some hot chocolate. We spend time walking and them riding their scooters along a meandering river. It's nice being out and here, God starts to gently knock on my heart again and I respond by opening it, albeit just a bit.

I take the kids back, hang around for a bit, got fed some fried chicken (yum) and went to my shared house. I prepare for the next day and go to my room and grabbed Wreck my life by Mo Isom Aiken (get it on Amazon or www.moisom.com)

What an absolute Godsend book by a Woman of God!!! I start reading it and I can barely put it down. I read about her faith journey, struggles, an untimely death in the family and the moment she met the Holy Spirit of God and how her life was forever changed.

Check out this brief interview to give you an idea of what she's about!

In the book, she mentions that we must be certain that we will experience opposition and adversity in our walk with and for Jesus Christ, but rather than see it as an unwanted experience, to an opportunity to grow in our faith.

TODAY

Today I realized that the enemy was at work, a relentless pursuit to destroy me and my faith, with our marriage as collateral damage. Why would my wife consider our relationship if I'm angry, bitter, spiteful and resentful. The moment you rebel against God, you keep silent about Him and how GOOD He really is, your behavior becomes such that even if you turn back to God, "pagans" would not believe you or your faith. I also wanted to "check out" before I could see what God has in store for me, for us! Never thought I would say this, but I'm really glad that God does not always grant our prayers, because we are at most of times myopic and selfish. 

DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE ENEMIES' TACTICS!

Here are the tactics the enemy use against you and what keeps you from God's plan and purpose for your life (from Tiaan Gildenhuys, confirmed by an ex-satanic believer):

1. Lies - The voice you hear with all the negativity, believing it's your own thoughts. I never understood when it was said:'The greatest lie the devil ever told, was making the world believe he does not exist.",
2. Fear - The fear you experience, fear of loneliness, rejection, misfortune, future etc.
3. Aggression - The fear turns into anger as you try to cope, it is after all easier to be mad,
4. Unforgiveness - you can't forgive those that hurt and reject you or you can't forgive yourself,
5. Bitterness - not forgiving yourself or someone else, leads to bitterness and resentment and becomes proverbial cancer and if left unchecked leads to depression,
6. Rebellion - you shake your hands at your "enemies" and at God and rebel against them which also leads to more sin and more pain.

The enemy has now silenced you, the voice of the Holy Spirit inside you and the God-filled heart you have! You are no longer a threat and are unknowingly, but willingly helping the enemy destroy yourself and others!

Ephesians 6:12 [AMP]

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places."

Proverbs 4:23 [AMP]

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life."

Prayer

Heavenly Father, today I near Your throne with reverence, with humility and with love. I stand before you, ashamed of questioning Your authority, Your goodness, Your kindness, Your faithfulness, Your love and Your sovereignty. In my weakness, I gave in to the doubt, believed the lies about You, Jesus and Your Spirit. Father forgive me, for I have sinned against You and have grieved You all. Father, wash me clean with the precious Blood of Jesus and wipe away my transgressions. Fill me with Your Spirit a new and bless me with His fruit. I have declared war on the enemy in the mighty Name of Jesus, Yeshua and they have retaliated and found me with my guard down. Protect me Yahweh, send forth the Arc Angel Michael to behead the enemy on my behalf. protect my family and my friends, all who are near and dear to me. Let Your power be known in the Spiritual realm as well as here on earth. I come now and testify against the accuser and all his unclean spirits. They have lied to me and have blasphemed Your Name Jehovah, they have come against Your child to wage war and to kill him. Let Your judgement be swift and the punishment deserving, behead them and throw them into the lake of fire, for You are the righteous Elohim, the Creator of all the Heavens and earth. I exalt Your name above all other names! I pray this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, Amen! 

The perfect Love story!

LOVE

One could easily think that this should be a controversial subject for me, but to the contrary, I have in actual fact learnt a great deal of what love is and isn't through this season of my life. I, as many do, thought that I understood what love is, after all, I experienced that feeling before and when you have children, you get to experience love so more frequently. I'm happy to report that I was not entirely wrong in identifying the emotion of love, I did however miss the fundamentals of love and the biggest type of them all; AGAPE!

 4 Types of Love

STORGE, EROS and PHILIA Love according to the Apostle Paul in

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a [AMP]

"4. Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6. It does not rejoice in injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7. Love bears all things [looking for best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. 8a. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]."

Not sure about you, but just reading the scripture above, I can honestly confess here today that I fail at love more often than not! There is however some good news, once you understand the source of real, true, unconditional love, you will realize that the LOVE the Apostle Paul is referring to, is indeed possible to have and to achieve! 

LOVE?

If you are anything like me, you would have heard about God is Love and thought to yourself: "I just don't get it, what does that even mean and why don't I feel it?" I would suggest that many of us have never really experienced real love before and for us to understand it, we must understand the Creator's original design intent for humans, the very reason why we were created in the first place.

1 John 4:7 [AMP]

Beloved, let us [unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves [others] is born of God and knows God [through personal experience]."

DESIGN INTENT

We were wonderfully and fearfully made in the image and likeness of God, for the purpose of an intimate relationship with Him. God made His dwelling place here on earth and spent time with Adam. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone and thus created for him, a helper, an equal partner and said that they must rule over all the earth and that they should be fruitful and multiply (that means to enjoy each other in the intimacy of sex and have children). Unfortunately man's weakness were exposed when they ate from the forbidden tree, being deceived by the devil.

I have to pause here for a moment to anyone blaming Eve for the fall of man only:

Yes, Eve was deceived by the devil and chose to eat the apple, but it was only after Adam ate from it, when they realized they were naked and only then God called them. Adam abdicated his responsibility and stood there watching the whole thing unfold and did nothing. Life would probably have looked a whole lot different if they had repented right there and then, instead they blamed each other. The story about Adam and Eve also shows that by the creation of a woman, man had replaced the love meant for God, by loving her more and choosing her over God.   

DESIGN INTENT CONTINUED

We were made by God to have a relationship with Him and nothing will ever fill that hole inside us until we do...

Ecclesiastes 3: 11 [AMP]

"He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God] - yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end."

PERFECT LOVE

In our weakness as humans, we rejected God, from the very beginning and despite our best efforts to remove Him from our lives, He still formed the perfect plan to reconcile us with Him. 

Romans 5:8 [AMP]

"But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

John 15:13 [AMP]

"No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends."

John 3:16 [AMP]

"For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life."

1 John 4:8-10 [AMP]

"8. The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. [He is the originator of love, and it is an enduring attribute of His nature.] 9. By this the love of God was displayed in us, in that God has sent His [One and] only begotten Son [the One who is truly unique, the only One of His kind] into the world so that we might live through Him. 10. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation [that is, the atoning sacrifice, and the satisfying offering] for our sins [fulfilling God's requirement for justice against sin and placating His wrath]." 

WHY CALL IT THE PERFECT LOVE STORY?

Imagine a "Being" so powerful, that He spoke the world into creation (just imagine with me, even if you don't believe in God yet) to take on human form, the very creation He made for His own glory, to live in a fallen world full of sin, to experience what it is like being human, to live the perfect sinless life, to be rejected by the very people chosen by God, to be nailed to a wooden cross on Calvary bearing the sins of the world to die a sinners death and to raise from death on the third day, so that whosoever believe in Him, may be reconciled to God and be guaranteed eternal life! 

PRAYER

Our loving Father in heaven, we exalt Your Name. We pray that Your Kingdom will come and that Your perfect will be done here on earth as it is in heaven. Father, we come to you as sinners today, scarred by our transgressions, filled with fear, shame and guilt. We come to you Father, because we want to reconcile with You. We want to be made free and blameless just as You intended for us to be. We come before you and ask for forgiveness of all our wrong doings, to be washed clean by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. We ask that Jesus will come into our lives, to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to experience your immeasurable love. Help us to love like You do, break our hearts for what break Yours and bind us to thee. Give us eyes to see like You see and ears to hear like You, so that we may hear the cries of others. Give us the strength and the courage to stand up for You and for what is fair and just in Your eyes. I ask that You will fight our battles for us today and that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and that every tongue that rises against us shall be cast down in Jesus' mighty name. Bring down Your hammer on the ungodly and unrighteousness and the devils dominion. We break every chain with the demonic world and we tear down any altar that we may have erected, knowing or unknowing. We declare Your favor, blessings and protection over us, our families and friends. We fully submit to You dear Father and ask that we may have the ability to love You as You love us. We plead the precious Blood of Jesus over us and ask everything in Jesus' Name. Amen and Aman!

  Aaron's Benediction: "The Lord bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain and guard you]; The Lord make His face shine upon you [with favor], And be be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness]; The Lord lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval], And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life]."  Numbers 6: 24-26 [AMP] 

Who or What determines your self-worth?

Are you worthy? Or better yet; are you worth the punt?

With social media, television and radio, we get bombarded with images of what the "standard" is, what "good looks like" and we get told that when you have the newest and best technology, dress and look a certain way and live in a certain place that you have made it!

But why does it not last, that feeling of success, that feeling of WORTH?

Quite simply and blatantly put; we look for our own self-worth in things that constantly change and that only a small percentage of people can actually keep up with, What we should be doing is placing our trust and hope in God, who is our rock, who is also the Creator of mankind and the place we call earth.

Isiah 26:4 [AMP]

"Trust [confidently] in the Lord forever [He is your fortress, your shield, your banner], For the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]"

Genesis 1: 27 [AMP]

"So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them."

When you want to read a phenomenal book, get yourself the book called Sex, Jesus and the conversations The Church forgot by Mo-Isom Aiken (www.moisom.com)

In the book, she mentions that she was seeking to be worthy by making her body available for whomever wanted it. Using her body as a powerful tool to manipulate and to satisfy her desires, all in the hope of finding someone who would love her. She placed her trust in the world to reflect her worth. What she received was a name, a reputation that preceded her and a broken soul. It was only when God revealed to her that He has the answer and that only He is the way, that she (and all of us) are beautifully created with a plan and purpose.

Note: Do yourself a favor and get the book, Mo is amazing and she talks to the heart!

So what does that got to do with me and my self-worth?

I can relate on so many fronts to her story, the only thing is I never had enough of the "thing" to be promiscuous, I never had sex with heaps of women, not physically anyway. The times that I did have sex, I was coerced into having, or at least to some degree. I was also the one that used precious girls who were only looking for love...how sad is that. I feel so terrible for what I have done and all because I was listening to what I thought the world expected of me. My parental advice on sex was that I should experience all sorts of girls to see what I liked and remember the four F's: Find them, Feel them, F.ck them and Forget them...advice from a man whose parents threw him away and had to grow up in the world.

Lack of knowledge will lead to destruction!

When you do not know what your worth is in the eyes of our Creator, the devil will seek to destroy your life and everything in it. The only way for us to know the Father, is to read the Bible and to talk to Him, through constant prayer. Seek in the Bible what the "original design intent" is for you, relationships, love, sex, marriage and the meaning of life!

Hosea 4: 6a [AMP]

"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge [of My law, where I reveal my will]."

You are worth it!

The Creator of everything, left His throne, to come to earth, so that you may be reconciled with Him in Heaven and He did this because you are LOVED and you are WORTHY!

Galatians 1: 4 [AMP]

"...who gave Himself [as a sacrifice to atone] for our sins [to save and sanctify us] so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, in accordance with the will and purpose and plan of our God and Father-"

1 Peter 4: 2 [AMP]

"...so that he can no longer spend the rest of his natural life living for human appetites and desires, but [lives] for the will and purpose of God."

In Summary

The world in all its splendor and all the things it can offer, will never satisfy that deep desire within you. We were created to have a relationship with the living God Almighty and it is only Jesus that can give us the Bread of Life and Living Waters and there is no other way to God, but through Jesus Christ.

Ecclesiastes 3: 11 [AMP]

"He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God] - yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end."

John 14: 6 [AMP]

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the [only] Way [to God] and the [real] Truth and the [real] Life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.' "

Prayer

Our Father in heaven, You the one who created everything in this universe, our immovable rock, may we exalt your Name above all other names! May your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Thank you for wonderfully and fearfully making us and that we were made to fulfill your plan and purpose. Thank you that we are worthy, worthy to be called sons and daughters of the living and loving God. Let the slayer fall from our eyes and reveal to us the schemes of the devil, they ways in which he seeks to destroy us. We submit fully to You and resist the devil so he may flee from us. Please guard our hearts, cleanse us with the precious Blood of Jesus and mercifully forgive our sins. I proclaim now that I can walk in confidence, knowing that You are here with me and that You will never leave me, nor forsake me. You will guide me in my ways and be the light in the dark. I am worthy! In the Mighty Name of Jesus I pray. Amen

Why do bad things happen?

This could probably be the question that is asked the most in this world for the past, present and for the future and I would suggest that the answer is one that probably satisfy the least:

Why do bad things happen?

Fortunately for you, you have come to the right place, because today I'm going to tell you why and the reason is...just kidding, I don't know. I do however have some suggestions that you can chew on for a bit so give me some of your time today.

Background

If you have read my story so far, you would know that I confessed my trangressions and years of struggle with sexual immorality to my wife and since then, I've been doing everything in "my own strength" to win her heart back. This includes leaving her notes on her pillow, letters, gifts, non-sexual touching, hugs, even kisses on the forehead and there is just nothing. I also thought that this would be enough for her to reconsider her decision to separate, here too I was sadly mistaking.

So naturally, I was asking myself, her and God, why she was not responding to my efforts and what could I possibly do more to have her come to her senses! I have been so grieved by the rejection that I was really at the end of my own rope and then...

One Tuesday night, while doing Bible study as part of a group, we were covering the "Character of Jesus" and the scripture was John 13: 1-17 where Jesus washed the disciples' feet. Just an FYI, this was the ultimate gesture of humbleness from Jesus, because washing feet was given to the lowest slave, as a duty, in those days. Jesus, the Son of Man, came to be a servant, not the mighty King, people were expecting. The washing of the feet also symbolizes FORGIVENESS and that you only need to have your feet washed when you walked in the streets after having a bath. This means that after you have accepted Jesus into your life and have asked for forgiveness of your sins, you are washed clean from all the sin and then you only need to ask for forgiveness daily to have your "feet washed" after being in this sin-filled world.

While reading the scripture, the Holy Spirit highlighted John 13:2 for me: "It was during supper, when the devil had already put [the thought of] betraying Jesus into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son." and revealed to me:

Answer

God will ALLOW, not cause, bad things to happen so that His perfect will can be done! When you love and obey God, "bad things" become opportunities to learn, to grow and to ultimately turn you into the person you are meant to be. 

Let me explain

The crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ was to tear down the wall [separation] that existed between us and God after the fall of man by Adam and Eve [in the Garden of Eden]

and the redemption of man out of the hands of the devil!

The plan, obviously involved Judas to betray Jesus and even though Judas Iscariot was a disciple, that saw all the miracles and heard Jesus speak, it did not matter as he was chosen to help accomplish God's will, plan and purpose.

A likely Conclusion

The storm that is raging around you, may very well be caused by satan, but might very well be an instrument in the hands of our Almighty God ~ Jehovah Shammah, if you LOVE and OBEY HIM!

Romans 8:28 [AMP]

"And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose."

So today, change your FOCUS on the situation you are in and realize that God can use any "weapon formed against you" for His, and your, good.

Disclaimer

Habitual sin and the decision not to repent and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior will be used by satan as the "green light" to cause havoc in your life. Romans 8:28 may not apply to you if you choose to continually reject God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 

Prayer

Our Father in Heaven, You are a good, compassionate, forgiving, loving, powerful and just Father and we exhalt your Name above all other names. Today, as the storm in my life is raging, remind me that You are in full control and that You have a plan and purpose for my life. I am not pray to the devil that is walking around like a roaring lion, ready to devour because You are our Shepherd ~ Jehovah Rohi. Please use my circumstances, my pain and my suffering for Your perfect Will. I am your servant, use me for Your Kingdom! I rejoice in the fact that I will be rewarded in Heaven when I come home one day. I pray this in the precious Name of Jesus. Amen!