THE PAINFUL TRUTH
It is written that in this world we, as followers and lovers of Christ Jesus, will experience adversity, pain, suffering, grief, temptation, and probably more so than people who reject the Truth. I wish this was not true, but I assure you it is. Simple reason for this, in my opinion, is that someone who follows Jesus and tries to do what the Word demands, basically becomes a target for the enemy, the dark forces of the spiritual world. You are then the opposition to the evil one and all his cronies, will do what they can to rip you and your loved-ones to shreds.
EXAMPLE...UNFORTUNATELY ANOTHER ONE
The week preceding my newly "separated" wife's birthday, I had a really good week (for the most part) where I spent a fair bit of time in God's presence; reading, listening, watching, praying and sharing the good news. Come two days before her birthday and on the way to work, I hear a sermon from Dr. Michael Youssef on the seventh commandment: "You shall not commit adultery." convicted by my past sin, followed by a sermon from Derek Prince about God's blessings and curses as written in Deuteronomy 28. During the reading of the curses, I experience an intense feeling inside me, like I'm carrying a very heavy burden and I feel doubt and anger overcome me and I sneer at what I just listened to. Moments later after thinking about my situation and my past, I address God in prayer, with little reverence I'm sad to admit, questioning if He was actually good and if I ever had a chance at succeeding, I mean, how can one keep the Law in its entirety to escape the curses and receive His abundant blessings?!? That day, completely overcome with doubt, fear and anger, I found myself many times questioning God and even the presence of the Holy Spirit. I felt that I was set up for failure, abandoned by the one who is talked about: "He will not fail you or abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:6 [AMP]
I would read scripture to try and drown out this voice, this heavy presence inside me, but would laugh at the passage, followed by more questions. I continued to struggle that day, a lot, but I reminded myself of the Psalm of David 30:5b [AMP]
"Weeping may endure for a night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning."
"Try your best buddy, but go and rest, you will feel better in the morning." I didn't. In actual fact, I woke up angry with God and dismissed the rebuke and conviction I was feeling inside. I rebelled against God for that whole day and reached a very low and and dark place too...I actually prayed that I wanted to die and that God had to kill me. If I could not trust Him, the seemingly only One I had left, what is the point of even trying! I wept profusely as I was driving home, then I would grit my teeth and tell myself that I should shut-up, that I'm weak, useless, rejected and hated by everyone. I would cry out to God and then reject my own desperate cry for help. I made it home, packed an overnight bag and headed to my old home to spend time with the kids while the wife went out for the night after getting her hair done. Me and the kidlets prepared her birthday gifts, wrote her a couple of birthday cards, baked 24 delicious cupcakes, ready for the morning. We go to bed and around 12 pm I woke up with the wife coming home after her night out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Early morning and the wife leaves to go and exercise and I woke up in that process. I feel mad at her for not letting me know that she was going out for a drink after her hair appointment. She comes back after her workout and I just lay in my room, browsing on my phone, waiting for the kids to wake up so that we can take her presents. She shows up, all happy and excited and I'm just like...here is your stuff, happy bday. FAIL!!! I make her breakfast in bed and then get myself ready and self-isolate myself in the theater room for much of the morning. I didn't want to be there, so I make arrangements to go and visit a friend, just to find out that I can't go, because the wife is going out again for cocktails.
By now, the anger and resentment I feel towards my wife on top of the doubt and disappointment I feel towards God, is unraveling me and I'm ready to reject my faith all together! I could feel a battle going on inside me, one of intense ferocity. I find myself wanting to praise God, then I would reject the thought, on and on it went.
THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE
I woke up the next day, feeling frustrated as anything, but on went the TV to watch Dr. Michael Youssef and then Dr. David Jeremiah, it was Sunday after all and I do "Church" on Sunday mornings. Today I don't reject what I'm hearing, but I am numb to the teaching, I just feel nothing! The two sermons are finished and I plan to wash my car, take the kids for an outing and some hot chocolate. We spend time walking and them riding their scooters along a meandering river. It's nice being out and here, God starts to gently knock on my heart again and I respond by opening it, albeit just a bit.
I take the kids back, hang around for a bit, got fed some fried chicken (yum) and went to my shared house. I prepare for the next day and go to my room and grabbed Wreck my life by Mo Isom Aiken (get it on Amazon or www.moisom.com)
What an absolute Godsend book by a Woman of God!!! I start reading it and I can barely put it down. I read about her faith journey, struggles, an untimely death in the family and the moment she met the Holy Spirit of God and how her life was forever changed.
Check out this brief interview to give you an idea of what she's about!
In the book, she mentions that we must be certain that we will experience opposition and adversity in our walk with and for Jesus Christ, but rather than see it as an unwanted experience, to an opportunity to grow in our faith.
TODAY
Today I realized that the enemy was at work, a relentless pursuit to destroy me and my faith, with our marriage as collateral damage. Why would my wife consider our relationship if I'm angry, bitter, spiteful and resentful. The moment you rebel against God, you keep silent about Him and how GOOD He really is, your behavior becomes such that even if you turn back to God, "pagans" would not believe you or your faith. I also wanted to "check out" before I could see what God has in store for me, for us! Never thought I would say this, but I'm really glad that God does not always grant our prayers, because we are at most of times myopic and selfish.
DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE ENEMIES' TACTICS!
Here are the tactics the enemy use against you and what keeps you from God's plan and purpose for your life (from Tiaan Gildenhuys, confirmed by an ex-satanic believer):
- Lies - The voice you hear with all the negativity, believing it's your own thoughts. I never understood when it was said:'The greatest lie the devil ever told, was making the world believe he does not exist.",
- Fear - The fear you experience, fear of loneliness, rejection, misfortune, future etc.
- Aggression - The fear turns into anger as you try to cope, it is after all easier to be mad,
- Unforgiveness - you can't forgive those that hurt and reject you or you can't forgive yourself,
- Bitterness - not forgiving yourself or someone else, leads to bitterness and resentment and becomes proverbial cancer and if left unchecked leads to depression,
- Rebellion - you shake your hands at your "enemies" and at God and rebel against them which also leads to more sin and more pain.
The enemy has now silenced you, the voice of the Holy Spirit inside you and the God-filled heart you have! You are no longer a threat and are unknowingly, but willingly helping the enemy destroy yourself and others!
Ephesians 6:12 [AMP]
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places."
Proverbs 4:23 [AMP]
"Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life."
Prayer
Heavenly Father, today I near Your throne with reverence, with humility and with love. I stand before you, ashamed of questioning Your authority, Your goodness, Your kindness, Your faithfulness, Your love and Your sovereignty. In my weakness, I gave in to the doubt, believed the lies about You, Jesus and Your Spirit. Father forgive me, for I have sinned against You and have grieved You all. Father, wash me clean with the precious Blood of Jesus and wipe away my transgressions. Fill me with Your Spirit a new and bless me with His fruit. I have declared war on the enemy in the mighty Name of Jesus, Yeshua and they have retaliated and found me with my guard down. Protect me Yahweh, send forth the Arc Angel Michael to behead the enemy on my behalf. protect my family and my friends, all who are near and dear to me. Let Your power be known in the Spiritual realm as well as here on earth. I come now and testify against the accuser and all his unclean spirits. They have lied to me and have blasphemed Your Name Jehovah, they have come against Your child to wage war and to kill him. Let Your judgement be swift and the punishment deserving, behead them and throw them into the lake of fire, for You are the righteous Elohim, the Creator of all the Heavens and earth. I exalt Your name above all other names! I pray this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, Amen!
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