For anyone reading this, I need to be very clear on something: everything I talk about in this blog, I unfortunately have learnt through personal experience. This of course mean I make frequent mistakes and act like an idiot before being convicted by the Holy Spirit, pointing out the now, very obvious, hindsight, 20-20 vision of my flaws. The best thing is that I do get convicted and then take the opportunity to reflect, leading to the hardest bit, correcting the mistake or behavior and asking for forgiveness from people and God.
So then, thank you for taking the time to read about yet another flaw of mine...
THE FALSEHOOD OF JOY
I, like most, will tell you that I like nice things. I like to spoil myself as well as others, to the point where I have to be concerned about making it to payday (this is of course not very clever nor sustainable and should be avoided and I have started to change this behavior-thank God). I don't believe there is anything wrong with buying something nice for yourself or someone else, but the motive should be pure and God's resources should be effectively administered and used well. I feel a sense of joy when buying things, but it never lasts, never ever. What I have found is I seek the endorphins that's released to give me that feeling of joy. What is quite clear is that this is not by any means real joy, it is merely a feeling that masquerades as joy.
HONEY...I BOUGHT A MOTORCYCLE
I grew up on and around motorcycles, I washed them for pocket money, I built them with dad for him and also for me, rode them, enjoyed them and lost my best friend at the time to death on one of mine. Motorcycles are in my blood and for the last 8 years or so, I didn't have one. I made the decision to hang up the leather jacket when my wife fell pregnant with our first child to avoid unnecessary risk. Over the years I've lost my love for them and would consider myself fond of the idea of having one. This was enough of course to make me wander into a dealership and look at what was on offer in the year 2020. Sure enough, something I liked a lot. Now all that was standing between me and the bike was my conscious and being scared after not riding for years. I very soon overcame both of these hurdles and was in the dealership, signing some pre-agreement papers. The finance approval took some time due to Covid-19 and I basically prepared myself for a "sorry sir, you're not approved" for some reason then I got the call to let me know that the finance company had settled the purchase amount and I could come and get the bike. I was strangely enough not real happy, as I have since learned that what I'm after is joy and not mere happiness or pleasure.
"for the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking [what one likes], but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."
TIME FOR DELIVERY
I asked the wife to drop me off at the dealership to pick the bike up. When it came to the riding gear I said I wanted with the bike purchase, things turned a bit sour. I signed for an amount and not individual items so when I asked the "parts guy" to price up the gear I wanted, it was less than the allotted price I initially signed for. I took a bit more items to make up the total value and when asked what I owed them, the amount was a lot different to what I had in my head. Turns out, they added the individual items after I signed the papers at a specific price and then I had to pay for all the gear not part of the bike purchase. This really upset me as I felt I was cheated and stood my ground until I was basically asked to take my stuff and leave. I'm sure that I could have handled the situation better and certainly my own behavior.
"Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, But counselors of peace have joy."
STOLEN JOY
For some time after this happened, I felt angry and disappointed in myself for "rolling over" so easily and mad at them for, what I felt like, was cheating. This completely overshadowed the whole experience and one what was meant to be joyous. Every so often I will find myself thinking about it and get upset, capture my thoughts and then re-direct them. Some days later, after this happened a number of times, I realized that those people were not losing a single second of their sleep for what happened and especially had no idea how I felt. I allowed the situation and my own thoughts to rule over me and ultimately steal my joy!
"A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing, But a broken spirit dries up the bones."
PRAYER
Dear Lord, our Father who is in heaven, we stand in awe of your goodness and kindness. Thank you Father for all the blessings we so freely receive from Your mighty hand. Father, so many times we rely on the world to fill our cups with joy, yet what the world offers is not joy, but only moments of short lived happiness and pleasure. Will You show us what true joy is and fill us with Your Spirit to be the lamp on our feet, to guide and direct us on the path You have for us. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen!
"May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you will abound in hope and overflow with confidence in His promises."